A friend made a comment and it got me thinking about boundaries in any relationship. How much we give in a relationship and should we expect something in return? The message was a suggestion for me to ‘“stop giving your attention to people who rarely or never make time for you”
It struck a cord and bothered me for days because I always thought we do things because they make us happy, not for other people. It is not 100% true either, because we expect something in return, some respect, reciprocation, adulation and admiration. At the same time I know it shouldn’t be the driving force for our behavior. Hence the remark stayed with me, I couldn’t get over it.
My morning conversation with my dad started with that question. He is one of those people who always would call/write and worry about people. He will remember everyone’s birthday and anniversary and make sure to wish them. Keeps in touch with everyone, that’s who he is. I asked him how he felt about it and he agreed that we need to find a balance between being a giver and then being careful not to live in a one sided relationship. It has to have a balance. He said he is thinking differently at this stage of his life, he is not “overdoing” it anymore and asked me to find that balance for me too. He told me to follow my heart and advised that I should know who really care for me and keep them close. I need to worry if I am depleting my energy on people who just don’t care in investing in a friendship.
इतने हिस्सों में बट गया हूँ मैं
मेरे हिस्से में कुछ बचा ही नहीं -कृष्ण बिहारी नूर
The saree is a gift of love. a dear friend from highschool came to drop her daughter and visited me with her husband and daughter. . She met me after 30+ yrs. They live in Surat, Its a textile capital of India. They got me 6 sarees this is one of them.
The saree is a reminder that I do have people who will not check their schedule for me, they will adjust their day according to my schedule for me.
Hi Jaya, totally agree with you that you should not invest too much in a relationship which is not equally reciprocated. But most of us realise it late in life. When we start, we are brought up with so much love and positivity that we think that all people are like us. So we do more than required and go out of our way to show love. We also think of excuses why that other person is not responding! :) This wisdom of stop wasting love on undeserving people comes but late in life. lots of love to you, Rachana
ReplyDeleteMany times we couldn’t judge relations rightly and ignore true friends and give importance to wrong ones ..in my view instead of thinking too much about deserving and not deserving people we should see our mental comfort with individuals and maintain relationship appropriately because our mental status changes time to time and we think about others accordingly ...
ReplyDeletePeople keep using you, and we keep on giving & giving. I have realised this pretty late in life. And now I have much more time & energy for myself. Lots of love to you. Elizabeth
ReplyDeleteTotally agree ! Lots of love and respect!
ReplyDeleteAnagha
I loved your father’s suggestion based on his experience. Overdoing / not balancing hurts you badly. It’s important to invest time on people / relation who values your friendship / involvement. It’s hard to draw away from people who are close but not much interested to maintain relationship ... slowly it becomes “one sided “ n I realised you do better to yourself n to them by staying away!
ReplyDeleteYou are sharing such important advice at such an important time in all of our lives. Thank you for the reminder. Each of us is worthy of love and reciprocity.
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