During my 2012 trip to India I started the conversation with my parents about their wishes and will. We all know how difficult this conversation is in Indian households. No one wants to talk about “what if I die”. We have seen many unpleasant circumstances around us related to death. Hence this conversation was very important. We are 4 sisters with different mindsets when it comes to religious customs and rituals. So it comes down to what “they” want and believe in, not their daughters.
Over the years their wish list has been evolving. My mother had expressed a wish to donate her body and organs for medical research. ( I am so proud of her for thinking out of the box). They have listed down what they really want for their last rites and rituals. I feel strange writing about it, the daughter in me is cringing and hesitating but at the same time the proud daughter cannot wait to let you know how beyond their time my parents are.
They have been writing/modifying their will for a few years now. The idea about assets, jewelry has remained the same but their wishes are evolving.
My parents believe in all rituals and customs, my dad is very religious and my mother is a believer. So we knew they both would want all those rituals performed in their home in Balaghat. They are Maithil Brahmans so Prayag (Allahabad), Banaras and Gaya are significant places for them.
But Covid changed everyone and I am amazed that my parents adopted the change really well.
Our conversation turned to the newest modification that they are releasing their daughters from all obligations about everything. “Do what seems fit given the time. Nothing is important and when you can, just feed the orphans in Balaghat ( our home town) and donate somethings to the needy. She didn’t mean the poor or the brahmans she meant the few ladies who had been the household help for such long time for my parents.
My believer mom let go of the thought of rituals, asthi sanchan ( collecting bones on 4th day), 10th and 12th day prayers and the big feast for friends and family, Ganga pooja-letting go of the ashes in the Ganga and replaced everything with “whatever is convenient for you guys”. For years we have been told all these customs are for the departed soul and its path to Moksha (Nirvana) but she said her children’s convenience is more important than moksha.
Today I am in awe of my parents and thinking about how much I am yet to learn from them. It’s not easy to let go of your life long beliefs and adopt to the changing times .
One of my fav pic of us.
My parents with us in Goa. for their 50th Anniversary and Dad's 80th Bday we decided to not have a big party but spent few days in Goa - Just 6 of us.
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