Whats in the name - Naam me kya rakha hai.

A Conversation with my Mom

My mother finishes her evening tea in Bangalore and makes a phone call to her Pragya ( that’s me if you don’t know my nickname)

That is my early morning and god forbid if I sleep in then there are at least 2 missed call and then a VM. I so love those VM. She says the same thing - every time - “So rahi hai kya beta, phone ke thee” ( are you sleeping dear daughter, I had called you)

Usually that is my morning walk time before my work begins.

When I used to go to the office I would call her from the car. So we kind of continued that routine. Some normalcy in these uncertain times. 

We talk about anything and everything from what is cooking in my sister’s kitchen, their day, my yesterday, plan for my day, phone calls to and from family , news, friends whatever we think of. I show her the sun, the plants, any flowers that catches my attention ( as you all know by now- I love flowers, specially in my hair ) and sometime cars and the streets.

One of these days the conversation turned to books and I was so tempted to tell her how some books had made an impact in my life. At the same time I missed her not participating in that conversation, and all of a sudden the idea of sending her those books was born. I said -you made us read whatever you wanted, now time for me to get back at you. Read what I want you to read. Thank god for my sister and her Amazon India account. In just a couple of days 8 books were delivered. I told her to start one specific book to understand my life better. I warned her that every morning she has to tell me how far she was in the book. She should read at least a few pages everyday. My mom so wanted to read the books in Hindi but poor amma was afraid of her “dushta” daughter. “Will you take my viva bitiya (daughter)”she asked. She wanted to know if I was going to quiz her on her reading later. 

Can you guess what I made her read? She is still reading that book. Meanwhile I heard she has finished two hindi books already :)

Which one book could define you? Mine is The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri.

  Mother India reading - notice the cover on the book? thats how I remember my childhood, major production - cover all the books, no marks, use proper bookmark and take care.so many people can read after you.. I saw this pic and was joking if she was reading "adult books" hence the cover. :) 

Another Mother ( Ashish's aai) also a victim. Her parcel includes Marathi and Hindi Mix. 

A black Semi Paithani from Pune, 2012 memory. I went to pune with wounded leg. Had an accident in bangalore, I was alive that was a miracle. but I made up for my survival. Shopped like anything.  I didnt feel like paying so much for Paithani so the shopkeeper convinced me to buy this semi paithani. I was under "black" spell that year. Lot of black beauties came home with me. Wore it for an evening tea with some saree friends.

Moms and their daughters - a relationship with many folds.

Incredible women raise amazing daughters. Lucky for them but what happens when the moms are gone, the daughters are distraught and all of sudden there is a void in their life. There is no replacement for a mother but what happens when you mother is your teacher, mentor, guide, best friend and confidant?

On the way back home I kept thinking of what a loss really means. Do we grieve the loss of the relationship, the person, their charisma, the existence of the person or just what they meant to us?

A dear friend lost her mother and today when I went to visit her I couldn’t think of anything else but a saree. Just to pay my respects . Strangely I didn’t even think that on a breezy, chilly day I wasn’t appropriately dressed. It just felt right. A tribute to a strong, amazing, incredible woman who loved sarees, I couldn’t think of anything else but a simple south cotton. I so wish we have had an opportunity to invite her just once to one of our saree meets. 

4 of us sat together to pay tribute to three amazing moms who raised amazing daughters. I was listening to their stories, grief and regrets and thinking about what I could do better with my mom who I am lucky enough to have . She is thousands of miles away but just a video call brings us closer. I can call her just about any time, talk to her, tell her all about my life, listen to her and share the mundane details of our lives. I am grateful more than ever that she is around. Today I want to thank those 3 friends, tell them how sorry I am for their loss but also grateful that they gently reminded me about how lucky I am.

I can write and write more about my mom and their moms and our conversation but right now I will pause and make you read this, a text from that friend-

"Tell your sister to give your mom a big hug from and for all of us" 

I am asking you do the same.. Hug your mom for and from us, tell her one more time she is loved.

Mother India and I - 2018 India trip - this is one of my fav pic - role reversal :)

SOTD -The simple Kanchi cotton with a kalakari print blouse.

Ganpati Pooja in Covid time. Bappa and social distancing

Saturday Aug 22nd

Ganapati pooja is a whole different festival for Maharastraians. Actually every state in India has its own special celebration. Right away Durga Pooja in Bengal and Gujrat comes to mind.

During Covid even Ganapati Bappa had to follow social distancing. So when the invite came in the form of a sign up sheet, it was a sign - the world is changing and the beautiful weather yesterday showed Bappa was OK with a modified version of the celebration.

A dear friend who hosts Ganesh, had to cut short her guest list and invited only abfew of us. I didn’t want to take up a slot so someone who needed darshan (viewing) and Aarti ( prayers) more than me could join but I knew I didn’t want to miss the chance to see her and a few more friends.  I was happy that families are being creative in this difficult time. The invite was very clear,  to respect the time, call before coming to make sure no-one was there, to put the mask on and use the sanitizer. The baby of the house was the greeter and was ready with a  mask (in case you forgot one)and sanitizer. When I reached there the guest from the previous slot had left and the next one were on the way. So I could get a quick look and pray for the well being of everyone.

A big backyard helps, so a few of us could sit outside and enjoy while the host was running around making sure everything was going smoothly . The food was in containers  to take home so we had fun time chatting instead of eating, short but perfect, it was a much needed break for all of us.

One thing I learnt - even in the darkest of time we need to find something to keep us going and hold on to that. The saree group was filled with happy pictures yesterday evening. I am so glad we all made an effort to get something out of our closet. The 6 yrds really are magical. We all loved being together, even 6 ft apart. Funny no one complained about Covid but talked about sarees, memories and off course pictures .

A beautiful Geecha, a friend bought this when I was buying mine but when the saree came she wasn’t thrilled with the feel of the saree. Lucky for me - she very generously gave it to me. The saree didn’t speak to her but was singing for me. I loved everything about it - the colors, the combination, the feel and how comfortable I was in it.

The Saree has a story of tradition, faith, creativity and finding a way to accommodate the challenges.

  The Royal Bappa - he had time to talk to us one on one

The Geecha in its full glory 

Can you spot my mask :) strategically positioned  just to show off my beautiful blouse and Palla :)

Celebration in its own way - A family’s legacy.

As I walked in wearing my beautiful bengal taant a dear friend asked before even a hello - “what kind of handloom it is, I read your blog and learned about Ikat, this is not the Ikat that I know” and right there I thought one good thing came out of my writing. She is curious and aware.. that is my real celebration of handloom day.

I wore a beautiful Ikat on Friday and wrote about a weaver’s family. That handloom day had to be meaningful in its own way. On Friday I had a zoom call with my local saree friends and after the call 3 of those friends stayed with me to take another step towards meaningful celebration. I needed that help as I logged in on another video call with Chandana, the master weaver’s daughter I had written about in an earlier blog. I knew I wanted to do something for her or may be for me.

I had been texting her and have had two phone conversations but this was our first live conversation. She wanted me to see the saree I wanted to buy, and I am so glad I did. The pictures didn’t do justice to the beauty of the piece.

A young, beautiful and smiling girl came on screen and said namaste to 4 of us. She impressed us with her smile and knowledge and patience. I had written about Telia Rumal earlier. Finally I did make up my mind to get one and get it over with. When we started the call, it was supposed to be a quick in and out call, but us four saree crazy friends and that poor girl didn’t even notice how late it was. Ashish ended up sleeping in the living room because I was too busy shopping in my bedroom. I wanted to buy one Telia Rumal and check the box but I ended up buying 3 silks and two cottons and two other friends got two cotton Ikats from her. Another friend enquired about business and sales and checked on Chandana’s education. After two hours we were content, happy and proud with 7 sarees, and a happy girl. I bought a blue Telia and she called me next morning to show a traditional red/black and white Telia. I was so going back and forth and then called my sister. She really knows me well, she just said -  “Telia Rumal will never speak to you because it’s too busy a saree for your taste, so just buy the traditional one with the idea of a “must have” thing you always had in your mind”. Not for the love but for the logic and she sealed the deal. I cancelled the blue and bought the black base Ikat for the “appreciation for the fine work of 12 motif Telia Rumal”

Chandana was happy that we helped the weavers families but I told her that knowing her made me a better person. Her dedication, enthusiasm and determination to continue her father’s legacy is something that will inspire me for a long time. She is teaching me not to give up, fight for what you love and above all do it with a smile and kindness.

Today, please join me in wishing Chandana best in her endeavors . 

My previous post on her - 

https://jayapandey.blogspot.com/2020/08/handloom-day-my-tribute-to-daughter.html

My Bengal Taant, A middle school friend who lives in Calcutta now is my shopper. 

Thank you Soma

Happy Chandana  

Follow her on Srinath Fabrics on FB and Insta.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007433416402

Edem Srinath was a master weaver from Koyyalagudem village in Yadadri , AP. He died of cancer two years ago, his 17 yrs old daughter is going to school and taking care of business, looms and weavers. Her father was a Ikat magician and a kind soul, she inherited his persona and work ethics. 

My Telia Rumal, Double Ikat 12 motif - happiness comes in 3 colors 

 and the pile holds the key to happiness for many women :)  

                                                          A Cambodian Ikat 

and a love at first sight

Handloom day - My tribute to a daughter.

Ikat always has been a favorite weave for saree lovers. The intricate work and craftsmanship makes it unique.

Telia Rumal is even more difficult and has been a saree lover’s delight but somehow it never worked for me. But lately I have been thinking that I should get one Telia. Strangely it has become a “checked” saree.For me its too busy but again Handloom has its own logic. 

Finally I reached out to a couple of my fellow saree pacters for help. I was directed to one artisan because he is one of the most popular in that area, a padamsree awardee.

With a couple of pictures exchanges I somehow found those sarees were too expensive for me and on top of that they were not “speaking” to me.

When I mentioned  this to Ally, she introduced me to another family. He was also a national award winner weaver and died of cancer couple of years ago. His daughter, a 17 yrs old girl is carrying over her father’s legacy. I was intrigued by the story and reached out to her. Talking to Chandana was bittersweet. I was so proud of her and impressed with her dedication at this young age.  She sent me some pictures and I made up my mind about my next Telia Saree. This morning, I got a text from her- Happy handloom day Mam. I called her to check on her and my saree. When I mentioned I am planning to wear a saree today, she said “ Ikat right?” I told her I wasn’t sure, I am from MP and might wear a Maheshwari or a kosa. The childlike Chandana was like no mam, please wear Ikat. “Ikat only :)”

And I reached into my closet to get this beautiful Ikat, a gift from Ally.

Today on this handloom day, I wore a beautiful Ikat, a tribute to art, craftsmanship, handloom but above all to a daughter who is working hard to continue the journey and her father’s legacy!

The Saree brings back the memory of 100SareePact, a feeling of gratitude. Dont miss the flower on my hair. A dear friend who generously gave away all Jasmine flowers from her garden to me. She knows how much i love and miss having a string of these flowers on my hair. Hair or no hair these flowers definetly made my evening wonderful. Had a tea with a family working in life science fields with interesting conversation about corona, people, life, politics, literature and Saree.

My next post - a  Blog about Chandana's and her contact info.

https://jayapandey.blogspot.com/2020/08/celebration-in-its-own-way-familys.html

Faith, Tradition and Religion - what works for you?

This friday was an indian festival celebrating Goddess Lakshmi. This particular festival ”Varalakshmi Vratam” is celebrated mostly in south India.

I don’t remember celebrating this while growing up so it was interesting to be invited first time years ago. I went happily everywhere as I got the chance to wear a saree and eat Sundal ( a south Indian dish made with chickpeas )

A neighborhood, close to my home, has many south Indian households celebrating this festival. I was invited for many years and slowly it started to fade away. I don’t practice religion and was there to respect friendship more than the festival or the goddess associated with it. I think people figured out that I wasn’t one of those who would participate whole heartedly and I do see their point : )

A dear friend was talking to me and mentioned that she will have just a couple of people due to Covid. I jumped at the idea so I could see her daughters. For me it was another chance to have her coffee.

When I reached there I met her two other friend. The social distancing has made it hard. The conversation was about the importance of these festivals for Indian women to support their social life. Exactly the life we are living now. Imagine beautifully dressed women in Saree and jewellery, with a mask on.

I got a text from one of my non Indian friends from the same neighborhood, asking if there was any Indian festival as she observed all her neighbors dressed up and then I realized I had lost the privilege of being invited to religious activities.

I made sure to tell the friend I was visiting not to ever forget me for her puja/ prayers and celebrations every year, just for a chance to wear a saree and enjoy her sundal and coffee.

A beautiful uppada cotton to celebrate friendship, daughters, coffee and conversation and yes some prayers and rituals.

 A dear friend gave away first lot of jasmine flower to me so i can enjoy. I love the jasmine flower.

Not occasion or weather but facebook memory decides what you will wear tonight..

Finding a perfect dress is a challenge sometime. we all have been through that. My philosophy is simple when it comes to saree, whatever saree speaks to you just wear it , as long as blouse fits it works ; )

But some time Facebook speaks to you. last night was one of the case.

Boston restaurant weeks calls for some special week night dinners, After a long day at work Ashish was not very keen on going far so we settled down on Davios in foxborough  over chestnut hills places. interestingly I was there last march too but with different date. Ashish was in India and I took boys for lunch there. Anand decided that was not his kind of food so he roamed around in the mall while Ajey and I devoured our meal.

It was a beautiful day but evening turned into rain and snow flurries but that didnt stop me from dressing up and enjoying the dinner.  last morning the FB memories popped up because I posted some saree picture 10 years ago. A dear friend’s mom turned  90 and I was invited for the celebration. I wore one of my fav black saree for that. Imagine me in a very white crowd, only brown woman and on top of that in a saree. Was meeting the whole family for the first time, I cannot forget how special they all made me feel.

This saree is reminder of many things, One of the splurge in saree form. a pure silk  I didn’t wear much of black while growing up. this saree was a big step in “black won’t look good on me” hurdle. Loved the orange and black together in this and it remains one of my favorite combination to this date.

Ajey is in TX visiting his elementary school friend, Anand decided to make it a movie night at home. so Ashish was the only available man to go out with.

I knew what I wanted to wear but unfortunately at my size and age the blouse decides what I CAN wear. so imagine the evening in Pandey household before we left at 7.

Dad back from work, I got to know about the day at work, told him some about my day  and then both the boys get stuck with their toys AKA TV.

I on the other hand stayed in bedroom, fixing blouse (hurray one stich removal and the blouse was good to go :) ironing my saree and enjoying and playing Jagjit Singh live in Dubai background. He turned 70 that year and was planning to tour extensively for 70 shows. He died the same year :(

That one hour last evening was so special to set the mood for a wonderful date. fabulous food, amazing server, who was so interested in knowing about my saree, the girl at counter who complimented and above all the man who despite having a long week, a very busy and noisy restaurant and cold, rainy evening was a gentleman who made this woman happy.

in all of it - one ghazal still playing in my mind.

दूर तलक वीराना है  कब तक चलते जाना है

जाने वाले याद रहे  शाम ढले घर आना है

Listen to the recording of JS-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOhQCJU7r7Q

10 yrs ago today - 

the only pic I could take, too dark for pictures 

and this was me last night. a beautiful saree, even after so many years.