What is a meaningful relationship for you.

Today I realized how difficult it is to leave a cozy sofa and blanket and turn off the TV. When we started the movie it was engaging enough but then it was just not going anywhere.  Since we were so settled we ended up watching the whole movie, hoping there was something in the climax. Unfortunately there wasn’t but it inspired me to write about relationships.

The movie - “On the Rocks” is about a father and daughter relationship, there are conversations and lessons learnt.

Couple of days ago I was chatting with a friend about how various relationships have a different meaning for everyone . What is a meaningful relationship for you?

We were discussing how we all define our friendships. It can mean something totally different to others from what it means to you and me. In a way it starts at home, the relationship with parents or their’s with each other. A child learns from his or her parents what marriage, companionship and partnership mean. The relationship with parents also impacts one’s own relationship with their children. Many a times our relationship with our parents defines what kind of parents we will be. We learn from them and strangely some will try their hardest not to be like their own parents. We pick the traits of partnership and parenting right from our childhood.

When we started talking it was like a never ending discussion, but it revolved mostly around what friendships mean to women. The word  “superficial” came up and strangely we both agreed how much everyone dislikes it but most of the friendships fall into this catagory.

The conversation ended with a promise that we both will be honest with each other and if something bothers us we would have a conversation about it. 

Today’s movie sure was disappointing but made me recall that conversation. My relationship with my parents, sisters, my husband, my in laws, and my sons has a lot to do with my upbringing and childhood. Then come the friendships and that depicts who I am as a person. When I look back, I realize I have good instincts to find likeminded people and tend to hold on to my friendships. A dear friend calls me a good people magnet. But at the same time I come out as a straight forward person, who cannot have superficial friendships. . I have learnt to get the goodness from people and let go their limitation to certain extent. At the same time I don’t take people for granted but wouldn’t let anyone do the same to me too. But again It has a lot to do with what I have seen in my family. 

But its not about me it is about you too, What do you expect in your relationships?

A simple cotton Saree - My dad bought it from a village close to our home. This saree is ages old.

 It has warmth and comfort from home.

 My dad and I on FaceTime. 

Ashish's 50th Bday lunch out at a farm in Natick, MA. these pics make me smile so they are here for no reason :)

A day in Provincetown -Oct 2020

I was born and raised in the central part of India. I saw the ocean for the first time when I was 24 years old. Guess what -the other half of my life I have been living next to the ocean, first in Singapore and now in Boston. It’s like making up for lost time.

I don’t miss any chance to rush to a waterbody, be it a brook, a stream or a pond  if not the ocean. I am a Pisces, if one believes in sun signs and the characteristics associated with them. I love water! 

3 friends decided to take an overnight break in Cape Cod. I somehow couldn’t do the overnight but decided to meet them there the next day.

The national shore line is very famous for its amazing sunrise and it has been on my list for some time.

I decided to go view the sunrise before meeting them for breakfast.

I left home at 4:50 am and drove 100 miles to the beach in an hour and a half. My drive was amazing with chai and ghazals. I smiled, laughed and cried with Jagjit Singh.

Desire, Face to face and Unforgettables were the albums of the day.

Once I reached there, my parents and sister were my companions for a beautiful sunrise. It could have been foggy or cloudy but no, it was a beautiful, crisp and amazing morning.

I met 3 wonderful women, had a fabulous breakfast and painted the town red with my friends. 

I decided to wear a saree for my adventurous day and sure enough the day, the saree and the people I shared my day with didn’t disappoint me. A beautiful day was spent with amazing people and we made some awesome memories.

I did go to two beaches in the morning ,the harbor and Marina during the day and then came back to visit two beaches with the girls.

 A very long 14 hour day, with a beautiful sunrise and an almost sunset on the water, 270 miles driven, 3 ghazal albums and almost 4 hours of driving made me a very happy woman.

I am glad I got to do this. I consider myself very fortunate that the Pandey men understand the importance of “my” time and these unusual needs. 

I write this post with a feeling of gratitude for everyone in my life who has helped me grow as a person.

Story Continues.- Photoshoot for saree Sakhies Oct 17th Saturday

The next day the group decided to meet at the pond/park at 4 PM. It turned out to be a beautiful day, warm enough and sunny. The reflection of colored leaves on water - uff It was a beautiful sight.

I didnt want to wear grey for the pics so wore Pink and made my son take pics.  He really did an awesome job with that one shot. I was a happy woman. I think that one pic made me so happy that I was ready for grey for the evening .

Years ago during my 100 Saree Pact days I made friends with Snimer Kaur Sahni. An amazing woman and a Saree connoisseur. One of her post she mentioned she was in Assam. I requested her to get me a Mekhela chador. She got me a beautiful one and it has been waiting for its day for over 2 yrs.  I think It was the day for Mekhela Chador. So after a quick change from pink to Grey I was on my way to the park. It was a 20 mins drive for me. I was the first one. so again I pulled my chair, coffee and Jagjit Singh :) 

Soon the rest of the crowd was in . I have taken over the Photographer duty for the group unofficially. so next hour and half I saw beauty though the camera.  That evening all we did was pose and pics. we all took turn in taking pictures. After 100s of pics that evening the photoshoot saga ended with some snack and a promise to do it again next year. 

We all were happy women that evening. We are doing much better in our saree group this Covid era. We are talking more, meeting more and sareeing more. 

The Saree has a story of someone buying, getting the fall and stitching done. She has never met me - yet- she did this and more for me.

Someone brought that saree to me here in Boston. One saree holds the story of respect, care and love. - what this saree means to me - that saga some other day.

आपके दम से तो दुनिया का भरम है कायम

आप जब हैं तो ज़माने की ज़रूरत क्या है

तेरा कूचा तेरा दर तेरी गली काफ़ी हैं

बेठिकानो को ठिकाने की ज़रूरत क्या है

-शाहिद कबीर

A day off Friday Oct 16th

Navratri starts with color code now :) The days are colored :) 

No golu, no garba- dandiya, No haldi kumkum, no Bengali Durga pooja, what would the women do :) BUT we are “devi’s” we will find solution for everything.

Our group is buzzing with excitement because they decided to wear sarees and post pictures. EVERYDAY :)

I took a day off, Just a mental health day. It was a beautiful fall rainy day . The Man and the boys were busy with work (Good for me) 

I took off with a big cup of chai and drove around. Did some errands and just discovered the all new areas of fall colors.

One tiny park had a pond and leaves. I made a quick stop, Pulled my chair out of car ( you see these days I have small table, chair, flipflop, a blanket and another to lay on the ground , paper towels, hand sanitizer and water bottle all the time - want to join for picnic ;) and played few ghazals of Jagjit Singh. Then I was ready to be back home for my Ghar Grihasthi (घर गृहस्थी) 

The time spent  alone gave me energy and a location. posted in my Saree Speak group and before I knew my gang was ready for photoshoot at that place next day.

Next morning. I just couldn’t get to wear the color of the day.. so this beauty came out. It is my very first Mysore Crepe Saree. years old but still close to my heart. 

Location - Home - PC- the Older son . The one who gets my need for a nice picture. He is work in progress but soon enough I will have a trained photographer.

What is friendship for you?

In the last 4 months, my dad has lost his sister, two of his cousins, and the best friend he had since he was 19. It was a friendship of 63 years.

Gopal chacha was the one who sent him a telegram that my Daddu (grandfather) had found a bride for my dad and his wedding date was set. Yes, that is how things worked in those days.

We heard that story many times and enjoyed it every time because of the way he narrated - “maharaj” (he used to call my dad) ko telegram kiya- aa jao April 19th ko shadi hai.”

Papa called him “Thakur” lovingly because he belonged to “Kshatriya” caste and chacha would call him Maharaj as he is a Pandit/Brahmin.

My dad has always been all about family. The whole clan of aunts, uncles and cousins were always his first priority. I don’t remember him having too many friends but Gopal Chacha was the constant fixture is our life who was not a relative.

He loved chewing paan ( Betel Leaf) and would always bring one for each of us. He would come and sit on the sofa in the living room, have a cup of chai and read the newspaper sometimes.

I was talking to my sister today about my dad and Gopal Chacha’s friendship, how it wasn’t important for “Maharaj (my dad) to be around. Chacha would have his chai and read the newspaper and my dad would be doing his household chores. Papa would sit and talk for sometime or may not talk. Chacha never needed an invitation and came very often. My dad is always on the go kind of a person. I am sure whenever he visited Gopal chacha at his home he would be always in a hurry and may or may not have a cup of tea . But Gopal chacha was a patient man, never in hurry. He lost his wife 15 years ago and my parents moved to Bangalore. It must have been difficult for him, I can imagine now.

Today I feel sad for Chacha’s kids and my dad. The way papa said, he was always there - sukh me aur dukh me .. ( in good times as well as bad)

Gopal Chacha - rest in peace. We all miss you, your paan, your love, your smile and above all we will miss how papa used to say - “Aao Thakur” everytime you came.

Pic- Dad on FaceTime with me last week. I couldn't wait to share the colors with him.and we talked about how 4 seasons are meant to show how beautiful life is.

Mainu tera shabaab le baitha/ मैनु तेरा शबाब लै बैठा

I dont understand Panjabi ( a regional language in India) but sometime you dont need to understand the language, the emotions make into your heart,

for last couple of days, Jagjit Singh’s this ghazal is stuck in my mind. I dont know but it has made me feel loved and rejected at the same time, reminded me of good times and bad times,  made me experience hope and despair. Its like I have been stuck in a circle of high and low. So conveniently I can blame this whole mental fatigue to Covid Era. I can tell myself that everyone is in the same situation and soon it will be all over and things will be fine. Only if I could convince my heart and soul the same story.

So what do you do? listen to the same song multiple time and soon you realize you actually remember the words and understand it more than you thought. and then you make the phone call to people who understand you craziness for the man.

Today i did talk to two people who love Jagjit Singh in their own way, who had stories to share, talk about his bigger than anything personality. and yes I did feel much better.

I wrote an article many years ago about my passion for his ghazals and another after his death. even after almost 9 yrs the feeling of loss is still raw. Strangely his ghazals reminds the emptiness all over again. Today one of a dear friend said grieving is so important to move on. So thinking of writing what the loss means to me. A dear friend asked me to write Part -2 of that article and come to think of it, he has a point. I always said his ghazals gave meaning to so many emotions. I should write how his ghazals made me experience some emotions. Over the years I met some amazing people who share the same craziness and someone of them can claim the special place in my life. 

Jagjit Singh sang some of Shiv Kumar Batalvi’s writing.  

मैनु तेरा शबाब लै बैठा

रंग गोरा गुलाब लै बैठा

किन्नी बीती ते किन्नी बाकी है

मैनु ऐहो हिसाब लै बैठा

मैनु जदवी तुसी हो याद आये

दिन दिहाड़े शराब लै बैठा

चंगा हुन्दा सवाल न करदा

मैनु तेरा जवाब लै बैठा

-शिव कुमार बटालवी

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quLpLjXRgUA

Wore this Kosa for an evening tea with some of incredible moms in Moms Network. They amazed me with their strength and determination and ability to love beyond limit and unconditionally.