The wedding saga - an adventure

Indian weddings are an adventure for everyone involved. Mine wasn’t any different but this story is about our niece’s wedding. The main reason for our India trip.

She is my husband’s older brother’s daughter. She was one when we got married. My memories of newly wed days are filled with 3 young kids of the family. This wedding was the first in the next generation, one after ours, almost 25 yrs ago.
We couldn’t wait for the big day since she got engaged.  Planning, shopping and packing, everything was exciting. The bride didn’t worry much about it but I was all ready for the wedding. My shopping was done way before hers. A beautiful paithani was ready for the occasion. Paithani is an exquisite saree of Maharashtra, a community my husband belongs to. For me it was very important to be all maharastrian for this wedding. 

The kids had decided on a registered wedding and small ceremonies, just close families. They agreed to a grand reception.

We reached Nagpur on the day of the Haldi, a day before the wedding. We left my sister’s home at 5 AM ,on the road for 5+ hour to reach on time for haldi. After this ceremony we decided to go shopping.

A mangalsutra for me.. it had been in my list for this year and who would be better company than my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. 3 of us Pandey ladies and Ajey went looking for a perfect neckpiece thinking I could wear that for the party that night. We were in the shop checking out the jewelry when the phone rang. The court employees were going on strike next day so the wedding had to take place today within the hour. Imagine the shock. We rushed home to witness the commotion. The bride didn’t have enough time to get ready in a saree or make up so she decided on a beautiful Salwar Kurta. She had to go to the court right away, so she left with her parents and my sister-in-law. I on the other hand, refused to go in the old saree I was wearing :)

I had been planning for this day for too long to go to court like that. I told everyone I needed only 10 minutes. The beautiful Paithani came out with  perfect jewelry from my suitcase and Kaku ( aunt) was ready. 

We reached the court but had to ask a few people where the marriage court was. A women clerk asked in Marathi - तुला लग्न करायचं आहे का ( do you want to get married ) I said - नक्की, फक्त एक नवरा  मिळवा (sure just find a guy). Her response was फक्त हो म्हण, line लगनार  ( just say yes, there will be a line) It was funny because Ashish was right next to me. I realized later that I was the only “dressed” woman there with a bright saree and flowers in my hair. We all waited for the groom side of the family and finally the wedding took place. It was just a formality of signing papers / wedding agreement in-front of the registrar and two witnesses. We had more fun outside the office. The garland exchange, the sweets, the hugs and pictures took longer than the ceremony. We joked that they needed an adventure wedding story. 

The saree remains my favorite of the lot, a gift from a friend, but now it has a story about a much awaited wedding in the family too.  

The pictures tell you the story :)

waiting for the couple, cannot do anything, lets just pose :) 

Finally the whole gang. I am sure My in laws has more people even when they just meet for simple Tea. 

India Saga - Day -3 - Surat here we come..Dated Dec 23rd Monday

Technically I should be writing about my day two at home but things took another turn and I needed to pen down the day 3 before the feeling of gratitude gets overshadowed by other things.

The morning was eventful to say more. Not only the jetlag the excitement and wandering mind wouldn’t let me sleep. I did manage 4 hours tonight so that was a big deal. we were up and ready way before our target time. that means hurrying down with breakfast. My visionary and caretaker sister knew this so she packed food so we had something before we get to Surat.

I love Bangalore only if I could skip the drive part. getting to airport feels like forever. I dont know how my BIL does it almost every weekend.

I could catch up on my phone calls but still felt we were in the car for ever. We got Mom wheelchairs so that makes life easier for all of us. The staff was Indigo was extremely helpful, polite and kind. From the counter staff, to wheel chair in charge to person who took care of carrying mom around, to the check in person, security guard to person at the gate, the one who took to the bus to the aircraft, the one who helped us getting her on the plane to the on board staff who were very patient with her slow walking to the person who let her sit on his seat on row 2 so she didn’t have to walk to the row 15.

I just cannot imagine how my morning would have been without all these people around us. The girl at the counter was a trainee on day 3. she was a happy, cheerful and kind person. she was enjoying her job so much and was a local.

My id mishap was another story, more about it later. I still feel how stupid I was today, lesson learnt but again grateful to the the boss in charge who made me believe in goodness all over again.

Mom being on wheel chair we could go through security faster, airport was crowded but people were careful not to come on the way.

The girls on the flight are another sight for eyes and soul. Smart, young and beautiful but more than anything courteous. I was on row 14, dad on 15 on opposite side and mom on second. They kept me updated how she was doing and about dad too. I heard from mom later that they kept checking on her.

Flight landed and guess what my suitcase didn’t show up. After enquiring I got to know the power bank was in my checked in luggage, earlier I was planning to take the bag  with me so I dumped everything in it. Last minute plan change and I totally forgot to take that out. After the paper work finally got to see the friend. A ride home was nothing but the fun. Some times all you need is meeting your age old friend to feel happy and young.

Surat is another experience - The evening was well spent in Textiles Market. I was totally lost and amazed. I was in like whole different world. a crazy day ended with some gorgeous fabric. Stay tunes for “Made in Surat” picture.

Happy Mom, she was going to get one thing off from her bucket list.

Indigo - Thank you.

 A meal to remember at home in Surat. this trip turned out to be amazing in many ways but for now let's enjoy the meal.

and then the Surat Market. I could let ma papa rest and came out to the market. BUT i missed her every minute, she would have loved it. Only if she could walk in this area. Old and very busy. Preeti and Praveen - thank you for this amazing experience. 

It was almost closing time.

India 2019-2020 Day -2 what Family is for me and you?

Sisters are the blessing in various forms ( dated Dec 22nd) 

Yesterday was another testimony of how lucky I am. The morning started with amazing breakfast. The things I enjoy most about India. I get to eat wonderful food without doing anything. 

The shopping, the trip to tailor and a visit to spa and then an evening outing. All in one day it’s only possible if you sisters are on top of your every need and wishes.

they manage to run their house, take care of kids and at the same time be your amazing sisters. I am sure they need another vacation to recover from my vacation.

but its not only them, their spouses and kids are in this together too. the meal times are my favorite part of the day. All of us sitting together. somehow fitting around that one table all of us in unison, sharing stories, jokes. the kids playing , running around, arguing with their moms, negotiating for more play time. I was there and some time my mind would think of our childhood. Not too many luxury but the happiness and laugh sounded just the same.

I cannot wait to have my other sister and her husband and my men. The house will be busier and crazier but I think thats what my mom needs right now. The noise of her grandkids fighting, arguing, shouting with their moms so she can revisit her time with us. She needs to see that  with my dad she has raised awesome daughters and her grandkids will turn out OK just like her daughters did. she is not very strong yet she would like to sit and listen to our conversation late in the night. she pushes her body to the extent she can, just to be around us.

My dads usual busy with his way of taking care. The fruits we love are on the kitchen counter in abundance,  the flower strands are fresh and fragrant. I am sure the flower  seller next to temple know by now that his oldest daughter is in town and these are for her to put on her hair. Amazing how he remembers tiny details and without words he makes me feel how fortunate I am to be his daughter. How he listens to my stories and nods and wraps his arm around me when I need it. his laughs and smiles make me feel how proud of he is of his daughters.  I am amazed how easily he agrees to his daughters plans and follows the instructions and agrees to our wishes. 

I sat with them going over the travel plan for Surat. I did go through the packing list, instructed and suggested. Now I wonder about the transition. Not too long ago my mom would pack our clothes and get us ready for travel. I feel happy and sad at the same time. Seeing two very strong people who taught me so many things about life are so fragile. every year I feel they grew older more than a year of their age. seeing my mom struggle to even walk is hard. She is woman who took care of non stop guests at home, worked full time and raised 4 daughters, managed to read and do things for so many people around. Cannot wait to spend my days with her.

Sisters in Mysore Saree Udyog Commercial Street , Varsha was missing. 

Living room was everything that day from bedroom, to play room to chat room

the luxury in India - dad knows what you really want. 

 things going on at home, negotiation going on for sleep time

                                                  rocking commercial street

India 2019-2020 Day - 1 Home coming

India trip means many things - 

Its a whole different meaning of planning, shopping, packing and then travel. These 4 things take over mostly the real part (Vacation) some times.

A wedding in the family so Pandeys were all booked for India trip. These few months have  witnessed the excitement. I think I couldn’t go through even a day without talking about this trip. I think I have started thinking, planning and shopping before the tickets were booked. My sarees were bought even before the bride’s started her shopping.

The last week of travel has seen anxiety, excitement, joy, and sleepless nights. The Indian Government had made some changes in OCI (overseas citizens of India) travel policy and that was enough for headache for many of us holiday time travelers.

I was traveling alone and the boys will come week after. The night before I was in much better place, having clear idea about Visa and Travel scenario, packing done for all of us. Boys leaving after me is still giving me jitters. the farewell dinner was served with finest scotch and that was a good start.

I am lucky to have wonderful friends in my life so next morning was amazing with home cooked idlees, sambhar and chutney by one of them. Anand was very clear that he would go to drop me with dad so a quick stop to pick him up at school and we were off to airport. My mind was full of emotion, the excitement, joy of seeing my parents and family, anxiety of leaving the boys and travel and non stop todo list. when I walked in for checking- in I was offered $800 if I travel a day after. apparently the flight was overbooked. as usual my mind was not able to decide and the man made it very easy saying uber is my option for next day :) I think seeing mom and dad sooner took over the greed of $800.

The flight was packed and I had a window seat. The next several hours were spent chatting, sleeping and watching a movie. Two Students from Boston were going home (Germany) for holiday break. Watched  The Aftermath and managed couple of hours of sleep. A wonderful air hotsess Jana was a delight to talk to. I learnt so much about Frankfurt and Germany in that 15 minutes conversation. She got to learn about shopping in Bangalore from me. I wish I had a way of knowing what did she do on her day in Bangalore this trip. 

The layover in Germany was a drag. With 7+ hours layover I had planned to go  out and explore the city. Conversation with Jana sure helped me. I was in line for immigration when I realized that it was pouring outside and I wasn’t dressed for a wet day. so I ended up staying in Z terminal of the airport. I wish I had stayed in the terminal I was in. you have to take the tram for this terminal and it is busier and has less space to rest. after a long walk, wandering around the airport I had a very tasty Panini and found a place to rest and took a nap. On a crowded place I managed to find 3 empty seats and without worrying, stretched my legs and slept. The memories of sleeping on a train travel when you put our head on the handbag and just dose off.

finally it was time for second flight. I got an isle seat this time. unlike my previous flight it was full of desi crowd. A mom and her cute 10 yrs old daughter J were next to me. They were going home for some family function. The flight was long but was very entertaining. Two of women chatting over life away from home, families, sisters, neighbors, work, the life in Germany and USA and in India and then it became all about Sarees. I think she had overdose of Saree knowledge. Her mom’s closet in trouble this time. she will go to Saree Store with a totally different eyes this time. I really had such wonderful time in this flight, though it was longer.

the check in was so smooth in Boston but the last thing of the journey was long and tiring. the immigration was quick so I was at the luggage belt very soon but my luggage came so very late. Standing next to the belt and thinking  mine is just next to come out of that door. Air France had lost my bag once so that experience is always on my mind. The wait was over and finally I could leave the airport. the best part was seeing my sister and Brother in law outside. I totally forgot how tired I was, seeing them made this worth. and guess what the home made paratha made the long drive fun. 

The drop off company 

The best dinner that night Saboodana Khichadi, dont get fooled by bowl size.It was refilled many times  ;) 

  

Sunny Boston  

Terminal Z . Z for Zoo.. 

 Rainy Frankfurt 

Banaglore .. be ready for me 

                            and the best part.. Seema and Jay right there .. made the long flight worth

Holiday party and unexpected coincidences

#100SareePact #Sareepactandbeyond #SareeSpeak #Sareewithastory#Sareelove #Paithani

Husband decided to do something new and after 20 years with corporate America with a big financial firm switches to relatively small company. from a seasoned manager to a new employee - a programer for that matter. But he hasn’t been this happy in a long time work wise. A good change. 6 months have been a learning curve for him but a wonderful and happier months. the way a friend puts it - He has lost the worry frowns and gained some smile wrinkles.
So when time comes for Holiday Party I agreed to join him. It’s been a big change for me too. Knowing his team, colleagues and friends at work to totally new environment, not knowing anyone, what to expect. I knew people around him for years, hosted them home many many times, hung out with them often and here I did meet just handful of them in a summer party.
I decided to go to a new kind of party as me. Saree makes me feel alive, happy and a real Jaya. He showed me some pictures from last year party and it was nothing less than a glittery, formal and jazzy get together. I knew I would be the only one in Saree, as there are not too many Indians in the company unlike the pervious one. Decided to keep it classy and simple. A paithani comes out of closet.
As I walked in I realized hubby also doesn’t know most of the people, slowly we made our way in the crowd and I spotted another woman in a beautiful saree. Its not new that I notice fabric and weave before the person. and sure if it was one classy saree to notice. and funny how the saree made the connection between two strangers, Just like that. As we smiled each other she extended her hand, introduced her self and first things we talked about was how beautiful it was to see the other saree clad woman. Then the husband came in the conversation. Her husband was from the same place all my cousins are. I still marvel at the connection we made because of saree.
We took each others number and decided to meet and talk about our saree love. I so wish I had taken a pic with her.
This saree post is all about the happy coincidence and happier world. 

this Paithani is a gift from a dear friend family whom I connected because of my love for ghazals.
They went to visit Aurangabad. I introduced them to another friend in that town. They all became good friends. and I got this Paithani as a gift. Looks like I need to keep spreading friendship and happiness 🙂

Celebration - Our own style

#100Sareepact #PactandBeyond #sareewithastory #Banarasi #SareeSpeaks #Celebration #50thAnniversary 

When the invite came for Pushpaji’s 50th anniversary celebration there was no way I could RSVP any other way. She is the woman I adore, love, respect, admire. I wish I could find some more words to describe my feelings for her. I would so want to have her qualities when I am her age. She is always calm, composed, beautiful and utterly stylish. She can walk into a room and make things right just with her smile. I have known her for over 8 years now and cannot remember even one unhappy or  unpleasant conversation. Never heard her talking ill of anyone, and her fashion sense.. uff that’s one thing to see and admire.. she can make anything look royal.

 That morning I struggled with “what to wear”.  For me the saree is always a tribute to the relationship, the person or the occasion. Decided to wear one of Mom’s banarasi Saree. My sister Varsha got it for her. This is a typical Banarasi, a bright color with the usual motifs on silk. Couple of years ago mom gave it to me as it was a little heavy for her. This was not her usual color palette and she knew her daughter is not shy of wearing anything. When I picked this saree I felt I would be over dressed for the party but I couldn’t think of anything else but mom’s love. 

On the way to the venue I was thinking about the concept of marriage. What makes it work? My parents celebrated their 50th last year. My Mom saw (not met) my dad first time during the wedding, so I am sure these marriages didn’t begin with love. It was those rituals who made them feel “bound” or committed I guess. over the years love, understanding, respect grew. The more I think of it, the more I feel amazed about how little foundation that generation had to begin a life long commitment. One day I was having a conversation with Pushpaji and she mentioned she was 18 when she got married, my mom was in her early 20s and I was 24. 3 of us represent three different scenarios of marriage yet feel the same way about it in many ways. 

Her 4 kids planned a wonderful party with many entertainments with the grandkids. They reached out to their mom’s wide network. I think if my sons will ever plan anything it will be a nightmare for them to keep track of their mom’s associations . I am sure Pushpaji’s kids went through the same thing. When I walked in I knew that each and every one in that room was her fan, we all were there to celebrate with them. I was thinking about the same for my parents. I went through the dilemma of whether we should have a big party  for Ma-Papa for their 50th. While discussing this with my sisters I think I was the one who had cold feet. My parents live in Bangalore with my sister, they don’t have their friends and families there. Their world is in our home town and none of us had the energy, patience and time to do anything there. So we finally decided to make it very personal and 6 of us ( ma papa and their 4 daughters) went to Goa for a vacation. We had never done that before and we had a blast. I hope my parents did too but at that party I wondered if my parents would have loved this kind of celebration rather than that vacation. 

On the way back from the party I was thinking about what it really means to have someone in  our life and the question remains the same - what do we celebrate? the union? the marriage? the commitment? the ups and downs? the kids and grandkids? the journey? or the memories of good and bad times? the love and respect? or is it just a number and a date?

What do you think? What makes it work for you? what would you do differently if you could go back? What would you ask from your partner? what would you change? and what keeps you going?

This pic remains my fav for so many reasons 

My parents and bua (aunt) in Varsha's wedding. My chacha- chachi did the Kanyadan ( giving away the bride) they have two sons so Varsha became their daughter. 

Now I am noticing the saree they are giving to Varsha. time to raid her closet.

My mom Welcoming her Son in law.. this is the memory of this saree for me. How happy she was.

and here I am - 10+ years later that Saree comes out to celebrate another marriage. From Balaghat to Boston.. 

a life, an experience and some more..

Oct 11th Saturday.

This morning I want to think about my Friday shenanigans and I wonder how 16 hours can hold so many things in one go.

Friday evening was tentatively booked for a rehearsal and it’a long weekend for boys. So I decided not to do anything else and just be with them. Knowing very well it will mom overload for them I didn’t plan to take a day off on Monday. 

Rehearsal fell through and it saved me more than 2 hours on road on a rainy Friday. Ashish was home by 1. It was nice to have him home for lunch without boys on a working Friday. Ajey decided to go for an event in the city. Anand just wanted to stay home and play, Ashish has planned to go for whisky tasting while I was gone for rehearsal. I decided to be his uber driver.I had promised a friend to drop their guests from Station to their home on our way.

And then you know – you decide and plan and something else happen. Google can plan your map but not the timing. The rained got the train delayed and it made me change everything.  The couple stood on the other side of the platform and we were looking for them on another side. Dark rainy night and spotty signal it was interesting 10 minutes to say the least. Finally we found them and I decided to drop Ashish and then them and will go back to the tasting.

The plan for perfect driving wise, little I knew I would never make to the tasting on time. I was high on something else.

We had our introduction in the car and got to know about their families. When she asked me to not just rush and stay with them for a little bit I agreed. Ad that hour flew like seconds. Her story was one of very progressive stories I have heard. For now I will call her FB.

Imagine a scene – you are spending time with your parents outside India gate in Mumbai and suddenly a gentleman who is in transit for 10 hours in India meets you and spend some time with family and then offers the girl a chance to study in America, in early sixties. What are the odds you meet someone by chance and it changes your life forever. A baby girl in a very big household (10 siblings she said, she had to really work hard to make it happen. It was fascinating to hear the events led to her arrival in Bay Path University here in MA for two years course. But more than that I was fascinated her trip details of 90 days in $99 bus deal and her travel across America with one college mate.  A 20+yrs old girl, traveling across America with a Swedish friend.

I think I am very organized and get things done woman but I was in awe how she planned and managed to travel, find accommodations in those 25-30 places she visited. To add to that on the way back to India she found an opportunity to board ship to England for minimal changes and used her return ticket’s left over mileage to travel in Europe. She stayed with friends in Europe she made during those 10 days on the ship. Imagine no social media, phone or any other form of communication and this girl from India already had discovered how to connect with people.

There is much more to her life later, she moved back to India, worked, got married a family friend. In her Seventies, she still has that spark and I can see the pride and excitement when she talked about those day. The gratitude for the man who changed her life, the opportunity to make it big and better, taking it to another level with her courage and thinking beyond the box. She lived a wonderful life in India but made it back to United states when kids had to go to college here.

I am so glad that my friend was busy that evening so I could meet them.

To give my share to her story I promised her that I will find her travel mate for her whom she lost contact after 30 yrs of friendship. Lets see If I can make it happen.

Once I got the text from Ashish I realize we were lost in time. while coming back home I was thinking how amazing this beautiful life is when we meet people and learn so much more.

To make it even better I stayed up till 2 AM to watch a series called “Family Man” one of best made show in Indian cinema. I am not much a TV woman to say the least. I could watch 7 episodes in one go. My Friday was one of the best to say  I have no regrets of missing that whisky tasting. I was high on an incredible story.

and some pictures are just magical - represent hope, love, joy and happiness.